Standing over two graves, Rigoberto GonzAlez studies the names "Ramon" and "MarIa" under the family name "GonzAlez." "She was MarIa Carrillo, not MarIa GonzAlez," he thinks. His grandmother is missing. So begins GonzAlez's memoir, a journey to recover a more complete picture of his grandmother, who raised him following his mother's death. GonzAlez travels to his abuela's birthplace, MichoacAn, Mexico, and along the way recovers his memories of a past he had tried to leave behind. A complex woman who was forced to take on maternal roles and suffered years of abuse, his grandmother simultaneously resisted traditional gender roles; she was kind yet unaffectionate, and she kept many secrets in a crowded household with little personal space. Sifting through family histories and anecdotes, GonzAlez pieces together the puzzling life story of a woman who was present in her grandson's life yet absent during his emotional journey as a young man discovering his sexuality and planning his escape from a toxic and abusive environment. From fragments of memory and story, GonzAlez ultimately creates a portrait of an unconventional yet memorable grandmother, a hard-working Indigenous Mexican woman who remained an enigma while she was alive. A grandmother, he shows, is more than what her descendants remember; she is also all that has been forgotten or never known. Through this candid exploration of his own family, GonzAlez explores how we learn to remember and honor those we've lost.
Rigoberto Gonzalez, distinguished professor of English and director of the MFA program in creative writing at Rutgers University-Newark, is the author of eighteen books of poetry and prose. Recipient of the PEN/Voelcker Award, the Bill Whitehead Lifetime Achievement Award, and Lannan, Guggenheim, USA Rolon, and NEA fellowships, he was the finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for a previous memoir, What Drowns the Flowers in Your Mouth.
Unrest Abuela's Photographs Sanctuary First Interlude: The Wonder Woman T-Shirt Ancestry MaNosos Patron Saint of the Cupcake Second Interlude: Adolescence with a Wall in It Sounds at Night Vanity Roadside Chat Third Interlude: Class of '88 A Box of Ash Separation Fieldwork Acknowledgments
"A moving and lyrical tribute. . . . No real reconciliation is given in Gonzalez's elegiac narrative, but there's much wisdom to be found in his story of intergenerational silence and the 'unresolved' pasts one inherits. Pain begets beauty in this poignant family reckoning."--Publishers Weekly "A poignant homage to the author's Indigenous grandmother as well as an exploration of deep-seated family abuse. . . . The narrative moves in thematic segments, gradually revealing a tender kinship between the hard-shelled abuela and the empathetic author--a precious connection amid a family scarred by domestic violence and intergenerational poverty. An alternately touching and shocking narrative."--Kirkus Reviews "Abuela in Shadow, Abuela in Light is medicine for readers who, like Rigoberto Gonzalez, have come out of backgrounds froth with intergenerational poverty, domestic violence, and unspoken sexual abuse. Now 'middle-aged, ' Gonzalez shows in his latest memoir that recovery is possible when one is willing to confront the past, present, and even what may come with honesty, compassion, and without assigning blame, especially to oneself."--Ana Castillo, author of Black Dove
